Writing: The goodbye That was Never Planned

Note: This is totally fiction and what is in itallics is part of the flashback. I am a little rusty with short stories so bare with me on the verb tenses. I played a little with some sensory details. Please read and enjoy.

The cold water kisses my lips and cools off my hot tearful face. I grab yet another tissue and wipe what is rest of my tears away. The mirror on the refrigerator shows a reflection that I can't notice at first. The girl in the reflection shows a version of me I have never seen before. I shake my head and slam the mirror on the table. The noise of shattering glass echos in my lonely house. I leave it without cleaning up and shuffle my way to the window. Leaning against the wall, a flashback hits. I am watching a movie of my own life from a distance and my eyes once again fill with tears. I didn't know I even had any tears left.

I see the car pulling up the driveway. The usual blasting of alternative rock is nonexistent and he drives up unusually slow. I see myself waiting at the door. He waits in the car for an awkward amount of time then struts to the door. His facial expression is a frown as he walks to the front door but he fakes a smile when he notices me. I am too happy to see him to read into any of these clues. I throw my arms around him and kiss his lips. He shows hesitation in both and that's when I finally notice. I look into his eyes, the same eyes that I get lost in. I see his frown, the frown from the same lips that said I will love you always and forever. When he says nothing, the reason why he has come to see me has become very clear. My arms slip from him lifelessly and I turn away.

I still hear his words banging in my head.

"Baby, I..." His voice is cracked. He always says baby when something is wrong. "maybe you better sit down."

"Ok..." My voice trails and my face starts to feel hot. As hot as it was the night we had our first kiss. I feel like I am taking the forever walk of shame as I make my way to the couch. Thoughts run through my head as he sits right next to me and takes my hand.

"I love you, but I.." he stops himself then he sighs, "I can't do this anymore."

I look at him and there was a silence then he says the ever popular, "Its not you, it's me."

"It hurts me ask much as it hurts me to do this, but I would rather be truthful then be in a relationship that is a lie."

My face turns redder and my eyes narrow. Jerking my hand away from his, I stand. He stands too.

My eyes once again look into his. He looks down.

"You said you will love me always and forever." My eyes close as my voice gains power. "You said that would never leave me. You said that you have never felt this way before. I guess this relationship has been a joke to you hasn't it?"

"No never," he grabs my arm, "I still love you."

"Don't touch me!" My voice is stern and to the point.

He lets go without a fight.

"Your a one of a kind girl, but your just not the girl for me. I'm sorry."

The tears fall from my eyes and I feel weak at the knees. All the strength I gained is now lost and I stand still. I watch him leave without anymore words. Without anymore movement. He opens the door slowly and looks back at me.

"I will never forget all the great memories we shared."

I manage to look at him one last time and his face looks sympathetic. He turns away and walks out the door. I hear the jingle of the car keys and the slam of the car door. I collapse to the floor just inches from the couch. The tears really start to flow as the car starts. I bring up my knees and bury my head in them. I hear the car drive away.

I now find myself in the same position on the ground. I rock back and forth. His emotions, his words didn't make very much sense, but one thing was clear. The guy that I was building a lifetime with, the guy that I opened myself too, and the guy that said always and forever is gone. It wasn't long enough and the goodbye i never saw coming did. Never plan for forever, just plan to be hurt for just as long.

Writing: Do You See it?

Look at her
Just for that
that moment in time
do you see it?

At first it's not
Not shallowly visible
She hides it
Puts up defenses

Her eyes talk
They show her weakness
A deep longing
To see something better

They are tired
Just like her
Tired of wanting
Wanting extraordinary

When no one is looking
Her smile speaks
Speaks of dreams
Dreams of him

So look closer
Her eyes tell you
Her smile speaks
She is thinking of him

Writing: Human

I am human
Sometimes not clear
But always searching
Searching for love

Moving from place to place
Keeping my heart open
So I can feel
It's a risk I take

Without knowing
I see you through the fog
Without and expections
Without any warning

I have found you
Wondering if you
Feel for me
The way I feel for you

Wondering if I am heard
Am I loud enough?
Would you find me
Through a crowd?

I am human
I found you in my search
I need to be loud enough
To get to you

Writing: Does Your Smile Speak for Your Thoughts?

What are you thinking
When you look me in the eyes?
Does you smile speak
For what your thinking?

Is your heart racing
When I pass by?
Or is it just mine?
Mine is all I can hear

Are you thinking
About me right now
Almost everything I do
Makes me think of you

When I asked you
Did you really want to go?
It seems the secret
Has been set free

What you say
If you could go?
Would you say yes?
Would you reject me?

Writing: A Moment of Realness

I walk in and sit down at a table. James walks up to me."Hey," he says and sits next to me. "Hey," I say in a cloudy voice and gaze around the room. I smile when I spot who I'm looking for. Chris strides in like everything is just so cool. His hair is black, eyes are brown. He sets down his bag and walks straight over to our table. My heart races.

"Hello," Chris says and sits down. I smile and start typing like the fact that he siting down isn't affecting me. "Have.. have you been you working on project?" I stutter. I huff in anger on how I screw up my words. Only around him I do this. Chris and James laugh, but don't bring it up. I continue to screw up my sentences till I slow down and finally get them right. Without thinking, I say everything without thinking. Conversations just flow like its natural and like were the only people in the room.

I glance at Chris like he is a prince. James nudges me. I snap out of it and look at the clock. I sigh as time is almost up. Chris and James look at the clock too then start to pack up their stuff. We three walk to the door. Silence ensues and I look up. Chris is looking at me. He smiles like I am a princess. I smile back and our eyes stay locked. Time stops. Heat starts to rush to my head and I feel a total adrenaline rush. I wonder if he is feeling the same. He just seems so content with looking into my eyes. The bell rings and I break the stare. We say our goodbyes and I float out of the room.

I wish that moment could last forever. It felt like a dream, but it wasn't. It was real and so is he. I just hope the dream that me and him are together becomes real too.

Writing: Waiting is the Hardest Part

My eyes fill with tears. I know its coming. I don't want it to. I wish I could turn back time and start over, but chances are the results will be the same. I can't stop my words from coming out and I can't stop your response.

I can hear your words like its happening now. Another risk taken, another rejection. Its like a knife is about to stab my heart. Another cycle of goodbye completed. Almost full circle now.

Another faked smile, another wish that I could change your mind. It's all clear to me. I just want it to happen now so I can get over this. Waiting is the hardest part I guess.

Writing: In the End, it's all Gravity

We are different
But something
Has a connection
From me to you

You like scary movies
I can't watch one
I like romantics
You hate them

The connection
A smile
Your eyes
Changes it all

You listen to The Maine
You love their music
I listen to Nickelback
I love their lyrics

In the end I wish
Our feelings are the same
Because I am pulled to you
Just like gravity

For you I would
Listen to your music
Watch scary movies
Love to have a chance